Friday, December 19, 2008
Unsure about the future
Do you ever feel like when somethings start to fall into place in your life, other things tend to fall apart? Do you ever feel like final there is light at the end of one tunnel, while at the same time the light from other tunnels is no longer found? Am I making any sense?
Right now, so many things are going just perfectly. I have an amazing husband who is always there for me and loves me no matter what. I finally am entering nursing school, something I have been trying to accomplish for almost two years now. I have a job that gives tuition reimbursement and health insurance for way cheaper than we would be able to get it, even through BYU. I am currently working with my bishop to become a temple worker. Many things in my personal life are in more of a routine than they have been in a long time.
But to be honest, I still feel like something is missing. I feel like even though I may pray and ask my family to join with me in prayer, those prayers may not always be answered. But in my heart I know that they were answered the way the Lord knew they should be. But I lack the knowledge to see how that is going to help and be to my benefit. I don't feel like I am lacking faith, but more understanding.
How do I gain this understanding that I feel like am lacking so much? I am trying to have faith that the Lord has my best interest at heart, but I just don't see how this is going to work out for me. I am trying to have faith and know that it will work out. I never knew faith could be so hard for me. I guess, maybe this is what I am supposed to learn. -- Ashlee
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I can relate to what you're feelling, Ashlee. I really can! I feel this way about my life right now. Some aspects of my life are better than ever and others seem so awful and painful that I don't know how they can ever be healed or how I can dig myself out the emotional hole I'm in. But mortality means trials. The Savior had to learn the hard way how to better succor His people. We, too, must learn the hard way how to become like our Father in Heaven if we ever expect to be exalted as He is. The hardest covenant, I believe for us to keep, is enduring to the end. Sometimes part of life is simply enduring while holding onto the tiniest sliver of hope we have left. It is so much easier to throw in the towel or give in to depression and discouragement than it is to endure. Trust in the Lord. He does not forsake those who truly trust His promise that "after the trial of your faith" are the blessings poured out upon you.
ReplyDeleteI love you. You can do this!